Happy thoughts...

some stuff I’ve gotten to do (in no particular order).....I’ve milked a cow, driven a tractor, plowed a field, gone tubing, camping, gathered eggs, gone snowshoeing, cross country skiing, taken a college course with my brother, tole painted (mostly by myself) one small key holder, laid sod, worked on a pig welfare farm, been in a road show, sung in a choir, canned fruits and veggies, grown a garden, gone hiking, walked in the pacific ocean, been to Mexico, ocean kayaked, walked in the redwoods, seen the Grand Canyon, seen the Washington DC Temple, been through the Nauvoo Temple, dispatched for a police and fire department, worked at a mortuary, worked in a fast food restaurant, lived away from “home”, driven in a blizzard, lived through an ice storm, driven an old VW bug, flown in an airplane, ridden a horse, had a phone on a party-line, listen to records, been to a live concert (Dan Folgelberg), climbed a fire truck ariel ladder, walked the narrows in Zion’s, known all 4 of my grandparents, known one great-grandfather, de-tasseled corn (midwest farm job), walked beans (see last), seen a midwestern sunset, seen a mountain sunrise, gone fishing, seen a midwestern pre-tornado green sky, played in warm rain, cut our own christmas tree, owned computers, been on a local pbs tv show (go seminary scripture chases), sewed clothes, snowmobiled in Yellowstone, married, had a baby, found treasure, been “scared to death” to later laugh about it, cared for 3 babies in cloth diapers for 2 weeks, had a dinner disaster, lived in the country, hiked Mt. Timp. to the saddle, lived in a dorm, lived in a basement apartment, floated in the Great Salt Lake, traveled between Utah and Illinois by car, seen Mt. Rushmore, had pets, have grandchildren, danced, seen God’s hand in my life.

He's a volunteer

The call didn’t sound good....it was paged to both ambulance and fire as a traffic accident with injuries and extrication. One person trapped in the vehicle and the car was on fire. Over the years I’ve learned to try not to think too hard about calls like that, till he gets home. So much could happen either way to the victims and the rescuers. There is the initial “be careful” to him as he goes out the door and the prayer in the heart “keep them safe, all of them”. Then you just wait for the report, but rather than think about it, do something else. 

There is something about a volunteer fireman. (That’s what Karl is.) They do this in addition to their regular jobs. They choose to serve in this extra way. They work hard and are trained well to do this “second job”. Each call they go on has the potential for danger, and while I worry about him getting hurt physically (it’s happened), I think I worry more about him being hurt emotionally.  Thankfully most calls end well, but not all. Sometimes it just doesn’t go well or no matter how hard they try, there is nothing that can be done or maybe someone even makes a mistake...those calls hurt, emotionally, every time.

Enough time serving on a fire department will show you terrible, horrific things...Karl’s seen them, been in the middle of them, some I didn’t really find out much about until several years later. Most rescuers usually try to be aware of the public when they speak,  but sometimes they are criticized for making jokes and “laughing it up” after what would be considered a tragic or dangerous call, in the presence of observers.... “How can they do that, someone was hurt....., a home was lost....., someone died?” the observer may ask. It isn’t disrespect, or callousness, it’s survival. I don’t know that I can explain it, but I’ve seen it and come to understand it over the years. There is the need to stand back and breath, collect oneself, separate from the situation even if just for a minuet, after it’s over before the evaluations start. Was it done correctly? What went right and wrong?  What could I have done differently? And those questions come first on a personal level... 

So why has he stayed, kept going on the calls? It is a volunteer position after all. Is he an adrenalin junkie? There might be a little of that. Is it the pay, NOOO..... For every sad or horrible call, there are many more that end well, because they were there, because he was there. This job is in his heart.....he cares and can still make a difference. As long as he can do that he’ll stay. And he’s not the only one, the department is full of men like him. I love my volunteer especially, but am grateful for them all, every call.

Tonight, their part of the call went well... fire out, victim out, then the pager went off again...

Heav'n can heal

I heard it again today....

When listening to music that is an instrumental arrangement of a song that has words,  sometimes I know the words and sometimes not. Then the music comes to a phrase, that whether or not I know the rest of the words, I know the one phrase. 

We got a copy of a new CD of Lyle Hadlock’s arrangements of hymns that Karl was listening to last Sunday, nice stuff. I didn’t even know the title of the hymn, but there suddenly in my mind were the words to the last phrase  “Earth has no sorrow that Heav’n cannot heal”.  It was a very comforting thought at that moment. 

Tonight I decided to listen again to some of Lyle’s stuff  from the new CD and chose his arrangement of a combination of 2 hymns, “Come, Ye Disconsolate” and “Sheep May Safely Graze”....I didn’t know why, didn’t really recognize the titles but like to listen to “merged” songs. Then there they were again, the words.... “Earth has no sorrow that Heav’n cannot heal”.  Maybe I needed to hear them again, maybe I need to be reminded of that truth regularly.  What the words inspired me to do tonight was go and find the video we have of another instrumental piece of merged musical works....quite different from any hymns. It is Jon Schmidt’s - “Love Story meets Viva La Vida”. I don’t know the words to the songs. From the first time I heard the piece, it had nothing to do with the words, it was simply the music. What joy I heard in the music and even saw in the artists performance.  The music settled in my heart and lifted me up. It made me smile and made me want to dance.  I go and find it every now and then and listen....for I have found that one of Heaven’s tools to heal sorrows, is music. 

What's Up?

As I have been absent from the blogging world for about 3 months I was asked today (by a person I truly admire) if there wasn't anything going on in my life that I could blog about. First of all I was touched that she cared, secondly,  as it is much easier for me to do the reading , I wondered if there was anything I could write that anyone else would be interested in???     That was the question.

I have started a couple of blogs that I just chickened out on....I think one was along the lines of asking....Have you ever felt completely alone and lost...I couldn't quite get a grip on what I wanted to express and it was going the wrong way, it felt dumb, I can't write, all these feelings jumbled up so.......(don't you love the delete button). I've never really had a successful  journal for the same reason, "Why would I ever want anyone else to read this stuff???" followed by the sound of pages being torn out of the journal, or the journal burning in the fireplace, or you imagine the type of destruction.  I know blogging is suppost to be for yourself and if anyone drops by for a visit, great, but some days there is the confidence in yourself issue, and occasionally, in your own book, you lose.

I thought may I just needed to the right kind of format. Some people tell about what has happen in the past week.  For me it might be:
Monday-read Ink Death
Tuesday-read Ink Death
Wednesday, didn't read Ink Death
Thursday, got to read Ink Death again (yes!)
Friday, finished Ink Death (it was a looong book) and now need a new book.........well that's exciting, maybe it's harder when there are just 2 of us!?!?

What I told my friend and have decided for myself is that I'm not sure I have things that are interesting enough to blog about, but I'm sure that the bug to blog will come again...and it has, twice today. Why, how, I don't know.  Maybe it was a nudge from my friend and maybe I was also in a good place. If you came along for the ride, thanks, and I hope you enjoyed it or maybe even smiled.

I'm sure I'll be back again, the only question might be, when.... Until then, I"ll  take great pleasure in being the reader

My favorite fleeting season

I notice today that my favorite season may be on it's way out. Sadly it doesn't last long....It comes when it's not quite still winter, but may still snow, and it's not quite all the way Spring. It's still cool enough to want a coat or jacket, but the sun is shining more and more. I noticed that my season might be waning, because when I got in the car after work today, it was almost too warm inside. You see my favorite season of the the year, is the season of the perfectly sun warmed car.  Can you feel it?
You are chilly, maybe not cold, but in your bones chilly. You've been out running around doing whatever or maybe even been in church and as a reward of some kind the car has been in the perfect spot getting the perfect amount of sun.  You open the car door and rather than being stifled by an overbearing heat, you are welcomed & enveloped, by the most wonderful warmth you can feel. You settle into the car seat and close your eyes. The warmth seeps into your bones, you take a deep breath.....and relax. What bliss! The only thing that makes it even better for me, is to have a good book to read in that perfect environment....quiet, no phones (cell or otherwise), no one else. I make it last as long as I can. I've even been known to nod off....ahhh the simple fleeting pleasures of life.